my ramblings... just bear with it!

c-section : stop being judgemental..

Friday, March 21, 2014 | wardah bajrai

I recently gave birth to another princess. No, I'm not going to tell about my labour story. Too many people have talked about their labour's experiences ad I'm not going to be another one. Labor. Same old story; pain, more pain, the pain continued, pushed, another pushed and Alhamdulillah, a baby was born. hats off to all great mothers out there. You've had the unforgettable experience of being a mother. Through normal way. me, on the other hand, never had the chance. to push and push. Both of my babies were born through EM-LCSC ; emergency c-section. Not by choice of course as both were emergencies. At first I was so sad. I really wanted to have a normal labor, but Allah has better plans for me. Don't worry, I'll stick to my gun and won't tell the details of the painful experiences. Like those who had normal delivery, I too had experienced severe pain but that's it. I was never able to push but eventually I was pushed to the operation theatre. Allahu rabbi.

Honestly, I feel the need to write about this because I feel so fed-up and extremely piss-off with certain people. Well, it's normal after your delivery, people would ask you countless questions. Among them:

- "bila bersalin?" - normal qs
- "operate ke normal? - still acceptable
- "kenapa operate?" - started to feel uneasy but did explain anyhow
- kesiannya...." - oh, started to piss off
- "memang tak boleh normal eh?" - hello, I'm still in pain!!
- "kurang bergerak kot masa ngandung" - I even hit the treadmilll days before giving birth
 dan macam-macam soalan dan pendapat yang meyakitkan hati.

come on people, try grab any other mothers besides me who had LCSC, I guarantee more than half would choose to have normal delivery if they can. It saddens me, how narrow minded some people can be. We (mothers who had undergone LCSC) already felt sad and experienced extreme pain and you add salt to our wound. So not cool!

Some people might think it's easy to have LCSC. No pain, just potong and potong (3 layers okkayy) and they baby's out and finished. You're so wrong! Most mothers who had LCSC experienced emergency c-section. It means, we would feel the labor pain before we were taken to the operation room. The room was so cold. I remember that I couldn't stop shaking and shivering until the 'male' nurse had to hug me tightly. Then the anesthesiologist would poke needle into your lower back to numb you. And the potong session would start. Throughout the procedure you could feel the doctor and nurses pushing something and finally your baby's out. Once everything had finished, you would be brought to your bed where you were asked to lay still for 6 hours. No movement, no food not even drink. for 6 hours. You couldn't hug your baby let alone cuddle her. ..sigh....After 6 hours, the pain would creep in. Every single movement you've made, you would feel the pain. As if your surgical stitches were about to open. If you cough or sneeze, only God knows the pain. For a person who detests pain like me, I've had experienced the worst pain. You can't even laugh! But since you need to breastfeed your baby, eventually, you have to bear all the pains... sigh again...

So, do you think having LCSC is easy? therefore, please next time if someone is having LSCS, stop adding the salt by asking irrelevant questions and saying irresponsible remarks.. salute us, yes you can.

p/s: If you have the gut, do watch this video on how LCSC was done.. click here..

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In the name of Islam... I shall kill you

Friday, December 20, 2013 | wardah bajrai

The title itself seems to be heavy. It's heavy indeed, about the thing that I'm about to say but it has been bothering and lingering in my mind for quite some times. At times, it hurts me to see all the not-supposed-to happened 'incidents' that occurred. and it still occurs. Even in our own backyard, people are bickering, accusing others, labeling those who are not in line with them. All are in the name of Islam. Each tries to portray that they are defenders against all the infidels, the strays, the blasphemous   whereby sometimes they are the real 'BS' -buls**@.

Now let us go beyond our border but still within the Islamic circle. It saddens me that almost everyday, no, every minute or even second we see, we hear we watch how the so-called 'brothers' kill each other. Once again, everything is done in the name of Islam. It's surprising the meaning of Islam itself is 'peace' yet what we, Muslims have been portrayinga re not peaceful at all. We are angry when the 'infidels' call Islam as a barbaric religion and yet we just add the topping to the accusations. I'm personally not enthralled when some people proudly and arrogantly claimed they would kill anyone who tarnish the purity of Islam as the actual fact, they are the ones who did it.

I still remember the chaotic that happened few years back. When the film "the Da Vinci Code" was produced. Or even when the book was published. The movie and the book indirectly claimed that "Christianity is a religion which fulls of lies". The priest lied, and to certain extend the pillar of Christianity was shaken with accusation that Jesus might sire an heiress. Did the Christians kill or order a 'killing fatwa" to the people who involved in the movie? No.------ I can't imagine what would happen if the same story is being made abut our prophet. Don't get me wrong. I'm not glorifying other religion, I'm just hoping that Muslims could think rationally. Blood is sacred. That is a fact. it should not be wasted as our soul belongs only to the Almighty.

 I still remember what Marina Mahathir wrote in Star newspaper years back about the whole Da Vinci situation. She said that we need to be graceful when we want to counter back any accusation. Don't use emotion but our intellectuality. Maybe if we sit down, think back how precious "ISLAM" is, we won't use its name freely to justify all the wrong deeds that we do. In the name of Islam, I shall protect this precious religion.

something to ponder on

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Teaching Khadeejah..

Saturday, November 30, 2013 | wardah bajrai

Sometimes I think it's easier to teach others' children than your own. Need to be really patient. Though you have thousands of things that you want to teach your own kids(s), simple thing like asking her(them) to sit tight and follow instructions are extremely difficult. Any things and sounds can easily distract both 'the teacher' and 'the student'. khadeejah..khadeejah...

umi... I don't want to study!!!

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Who are we to show off?

Sunday, November 17, 2013 | wardah bajrai

Holiday has started its gear. Plans are made, whether they are executable or not, that is another question. I haven’t been blogging for quite sometimes. So I think this holiday is a good start for me to hit the resume button after a very loooooong pause. I do have tones of things running through my head; things to be written but, the will never came. Being an observer, I do notice that I am a plain ignorant. But something had happened. And suddenly I realize that life is too short, very short indeed to be wasted. Thing that we have are actually minimal to be bragged off. It can be gone at any time. Albeit we are ready or not.
Take this one thing for an example. Things that we share online. Sometimes we do not realize, what we intended to share with others; whether through Facebook, blogs or any other mediums are actually encouraging us to be arrogant or ‘riak’. At first, it was just a sharing but as people started to praise and pour in good comments, we will start to have the urge to post more, write more, share more all the good things that happen to us, our achievements, our lucks and so on. It includes me as well. Do we think we have so much that we can brag?

Watching the news, reading from various news portals, I couldn’t help but think that sometimes we feel blessed that Allah has granted us with many marvelous things and yet we forget to say Alhamdulillah. People on the other sides are suffering, endless wars that torn a country, natural disasters ravaging  beautiful landscapes and yet we here are busy showing off of our oh-not-so-much lucks and achievements. I write this entry as I’m still mourning at the loss of my colleague. It happened so fast. She never bragged about her life plus her simplicity always awed me. I can never be like her, but I do realize, what we have today is nothing, not worth to be bragged. What we can do is always say Alhamdulillah for all the good things that happen and Insha Allah the good things will remain. Insha Allah. Insha Allah.

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Brisbane Trip

Monday, June 24, 2013 | wardah bajrai

In short, it was wonderful. I should describe Brisbane as an ideal place to live in and to raise your  child(children). The environment, the surrounding and even the people are awesome. I mean seriously eventhough it can be stated that the cost of living there is quite high but the quality that you would get is priceless. You could find endless of fresh vegetables and fruits. You would feel to cook healthy meal every single day. I went there for almost two weeks and luckily I have my sis's house that we could crash. It's not a big house but very homey and comfortable. in fact i was imagining my future house to be like that. I especially love the kitchen, super modern and well equipped. well enough about that. here are some of the tips that might help you if you ever want to go to Brisbane.

1. If you are taking an Air Asia flight, there is no direct flight from kl to Brisbane. You have to land at coolongatta airport at Gold Coast. It's not to far from Brisbane cite, just 40-minute drive.

2. It's better if you rent a car from the airport. Well, I might say that to tour the interesting places in Brisbane and Gold Coast, it is advisable to rent a car. The price: for a mini (but not to small, yaris-like) -AUD35 a day. Petrol: full tank around AUD60. Infants and toddlers must be seated in baby seats or else you will be fined. It can be rented from the car company as well. And it is good to bring along your gps.

3. Prepare a time table - the places you want to visit, it'll save your time and money.

4. Make sure you visit the flea market. Cheap but quality items can be easily found.

5.Visit DFO (direct factory outlet) to buy branded items at reasonable price. If you are a big fan of Corelle, well, you've found the Correlle heaven. This place is situated at Brisbane International Airport.

6. Ride a free boat to witness the magnificent view of Brisbane city, especially at night.

7. Don't worry about halal food here, it's everywhere. But don't be surprised if you see these halal restaurants sell liquors. If you are worried about praying, every mall has parents' room and in these parents rooms, they have small compartment for breastfeeding mothers. You can use these compartments to pray as it got carpet and very clean. or just bawa tikar and pray at the parks. The people here are open-minded. However, in Brisbane as well as Gold Cost, there are a few mosques run by the local community.

8. More interesting places at Brisbane, just google it.

9. You also could visit Gold Coast. A lot of interesting places there; movie world, country paradise, wet world, surfers' paradise and if want you to go shopping, just got to Harbour Town. It's like JPO (Johor Premium Outlet) but bigger. It has surau and telekung and qurans if you want to use it. And a halal restaurant.

hopefully these few tips might be useful!

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khadeejah jabri

Wednesday, January 09, 2013 | wardah bajrai

There's a girl named Khadeejah who has a special place in my heart. She came exactly 12 months ago and since that everything has changed. I began to understand the other meaning of love. Sincere love. To love someone unconditionally. A love that makes me stronger from day to day.

I had to admit , it was not easy at first. being a first timer, i faced with tonnes of challenges. Seriously. Sampai nangis2. Especially during breastfeeding. sakit woooo. But amid the obstacles faced, I managed to go through the hurdles. (skrang nak bf senang je. And I love it as it becomes exclusively 'our time').

Before I had her, I was a cranky person. (still am occasionally). i lost temper easily. Now, having her around, I manage to control it. She's like my cooler machine. especially when she smiles. It melts my heart and chases away all the demons in me.

Time flies so soon. from a small bay, she becomes a gorgeous girl. (anak sendiri kene puji la). most of the time, she's an easy baby to handle (walau kadang2 angin monsoon dia datang gak...). she rarely cries and easily smiles. Her sweet smiles warm everyone's heart. so jangan terkejut if kalau pegi carrefour, tiba2 je ada orang angkat dia for that person had been smitten by her killer smile.

there are many other things about khadeejah that make her so special. Not only to me but to others as well. An entry won't do a justice.

so, on this day, 10.01.13, my baby is one year old. She's grown up but to me she still the small, fragile baby that i cradled in my arm for the first time a year ago. InsyaAllah, I will protect and love her unconditionally. So, happy birthday my sweet Khadeejah..... umi love u soooo much...

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Dear Abah...

Saturday, January 07, 2012 | wardah bajrai

Dear Abah,

Last week, I bought a book by Masturah Al Attas. A book written by a daughter for her scholar dad whom she admires so much. I showed you the book and jokingly you asked me to write a book about you. How I wish I could write one but my ‘stupid’ mind is unable to fulfil your ‘wish’. Instead I choose my humble blog to scribble something about you- a man who has inspired me to brave this challenging life.


Eventhough I’m married now, eventhough I don’t stay under one roof with you anymore, but I have to admit your shadow always accompanies me wherever I go. I may have a husband now, but you are the first man whom I know, and the first man whom I love. Nothing can change that.


You moulded me to be what I am today. We share the same hobby- both of us love reading. Since I was small, the never failed to buy The Star newspaper and made me read it. Every single day. Once I’d finished, you would ask me on the things that I’d read. At first, it was very tiresome, but eventually I began to enjoy the Q and A sessions with you.


When I wanted to pursue my master, you were the one who encouraged me, gave me your utmost support. When I was too tired to drive to JB after a long day at school, without any hesitation you would drive me there, not once, but several times. How grateful am I to you. Your kind and tender actions always bring tears to my eyes. Tears of appreciation. I really thank you for that.


I can never write a book about you, but everything about you has been written permanently in my deepest heart. Nothing and no one can ever erase it.


Thanks for everything. Thank you for being a very good father.


I love you.

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