** tit -a - tat**

Dear Abah,

Last week, I bought a book by Masturah Al Attas. A book written by a daughter for her scholar dad whom she admires so much. I showed you the book and jokingly you asked me to write a book about you. How I wish I could write one but my ‘stupid’ mind is unable to fulfil your ‘wish’. Instead I choose my humble blog to scribble something about you- a man who has inspired me to brave this challenging life.

Abah,

Eventhough I’m married now, eventhough I don’t stay under one roof with you anymore, but I have to admit your shadow always accompanies me wherever I go. I may have a husband now, but you are the first man whom I know, and the first man whom I love. Nothing can change that.

Abah,

You moulded me to be what I am today. We share the same hobby- both of us love reading. Since I was small, the never failed to buy The Star newspaper and made me read it. Every single day. Once I’d finished, you would ask me on the things that I’d read. At first, it was very tiresome, but eventually I began to enjoy the Q and A sessions with you.

Abah,

When I wanted to pursue my master, you were the one who encouraged me, gave me your utmost support. When I was too tired to drive to JB after a long day at school, without any hesitation you would drive me there, not once, but several times. How grateful am I to you. Your kind and tender actions always bring tears to my eyes. Tears of appreciation. I really thank you for that.

Abah,

I can never write a book about you, but everything about you has been written permanently in my deepest heart. Nothing and no one can ever erase it.

Abah,

Thanks for everything. Thank you for being a very good father.

Abah,

I love you.

Rasa sebak je bila baca ni....

Pensel : Saya minta maaf.
Pemadam : Utk apa? Awak tak buat salah pun.
Pensel : Saya minta maaf disebabkan saya, awak cedera. Setiap kali saya buat silap, awak pasti berada di situ utk membetulkan kesilapan saya. Tapi setiap kali awak memadam kesilapan saya, awak kehilangan sebahagian dari diri awak. Awak menjadi semakin kecil.
Pemadam : Itu betul, tapi saya langsung tak kisah tentangnya kerana say......a dibuat utk membetulkan kesilapan yg awak buat. Walaupun suatu hari nanti saya tahu yg saya pasti akan hilang, saya berbangga dengan kerja saya ini. Jadi janganlah risau. Saya tak mahu melihat awak brsedih.

Ingatlah, ibubapa kita juga boleh diibaratkan sebagai Pemadam manakala kita pula sebagai Pensel. Mereka sentiasa berada di sisi kita, membetulkan segala kesilapan yg kita lakukan..mereka adalah ibarat pemadam terbaik utk anak-anak mereka..Selagi mereka hidup jangan sia-siakan mereka.

A year has passed. A lot of things happened in between, ups and downs, are normal when you're in a new stage of life. But, Alhamdulillah, we managed to go through all the hurdles successfully.

A year has passed. Title has changed, shape has changed but one thing has not changed though.Still feel happy whenever he's around.

A year has passed. Many places we had gone. Cameron, Port Dickson, Mersing and.........even went hiking. Those were the best moments. Trips made make us appreciate each other better.

A year has passed. I still love him, and God willing, will continue to love him..

Happy Anniversary mon.. :)

A very good video to serve as a reminder to all of us, muslimin...

the Video

3 words to sum up everything :). For a start, if you ever plan to visit Mersing, make sure u bring along your telekong.. or else u'll be in big trouble. The suraus and masjids there are not women-friendly.

Since both of us are always preoccupied with piles of works, a brief gate-away is most treasured. Since I'm a big fan of beaches, he took me to the nearest beach that we could find- air papan in Mersing. The view: so-so but the moments spent together; priceless :).

We had lots of seafood. Correction- Me ate a lot of seafoods. A lot!

Unfortunately, I forgot to bring my telekong. Well, this is not the first time. Still remember, last time when me, anis and cik Juo went to Melaka. We also had forgotten to bring our telekong. We used our creativity to pray. I forgot, did we use the bed sheet? I almost did the same thing before I managed to buy a cheap telekong. Luckily! But if you are with someone you love, regardless what obstacles, everything seems fine and fun.. :) hehehehe

I haven't blogged for a long long time. Too many blissful things happened till I almost forget about this 'addiction' that kept my mind sane for the last few years. yes, writing is like a mind therapy for me, a medium for me to let out all my angst and problems. Since I am a happy person now, I have less problem. Maybe that's the reason why I hardly write anything.

At this moment, life is a bliss. Everyday. Waking up, I'm eager to see what are the things that lie ahead of me. Everyday is a new day to me, learning new stuffs, coping with new style, adapting the new way of life. It may sound cliche, but love does change everything. and I'm starting to be all mushy2... :D. honestly. It feels good to have someone to call 'mine' now. officially mine. lawfully mine. and I'm his. It just feels nice. period.

Before, when we were engaged, we hardly saw each other. we hardly went out. We were not like usual 'engaged people'. We, almost never exchanged any lovey dovey words. or mssges. or whatever. We were this old tradition couple who waited patiently to be united.

Now, it's still hard for him to say all those mushy words to me, but when he did, only God knows how it feels. Now, we still hardly see each other for his off day is Friday. I think that's why i miss him all the time. Like now. On this Sunday morning, while I'm typing away about my life. Where he is out there, working until the dusky sky appears. But I'm still happy.

Occasionally, we go out, dating. like those teenage couples. We coyly looking at each other.Smiling. After a month, I still feel like having a boyfriend than a husband as he calls me by my name, and I call him by his. No abang, no sayang. Simple. but for me, it's very sweet. :)

"His smile was so warm, she could feel her heart melting beneath its glow"

It is universally acknowledged that most women tend to do everything based on what men want. Since we were young, whatever we did, we would always use men as our measuring tapes. Even small female kids would act sheepishly in front of the opposite gender- perhaps to impress the gentle-men on how well they behave.

Women-when we were single, we did everything that we could to look beautiful. why? because we want to attract men so that we would be chosen. So that we won't be left behind. How shallow our thoughts were! Next, we bought whitening cream because we wanted to be fairer. Why? because most men like 'fair and lovely' women. We controlled our eating habit for fear that we'll end up to be like blue hyppo. And why is that? obvious reason- men like slender women; plumpy women? No, thank you. For that, we starved ourselves. For whom? for men! No matter how many excuses we created to reason our actions (for health purpose, for self-confidence purpose etc..etc), the ultimate reason- It's for men's attention and sometimes, satisfaction!


This torture to ourselves and body will continue until we begin to accept the real us, without putting others' expectation to decide on how we should conduct ourselves. I wrote this based on my own experience and my observation. I was and at times am still disappointed with how most women including me disappointing ourselves.Maybe this 'pandemonium' will never end. Perhaps women will never have control over their own body and self. Perhaps women will always see themselves as an object to fulfill men's expectations.

p/s: Pardon me, but my mind just went rambling at this wee hour.. just bear with it! :)