my ramblings... just bear with it!

Teacher story - being sensitive

Sunday, June 22, 2008 | wardah bajrai

I am a sensitive person. Cry easily- reason why my sister hates watching sad movies with me. I blatantly sympathize to other people and easily get hurt or be offended by what people said. That’s my numero uno weakness. I’ve tried ways to mend this problem but until now, I am a failure.

Maybe not totally a failure, since now after being a teacher for more than a year, I can say that I’ve becoming too-soft-hearted-person no more. My students teach me to become what I am today. I teach five classes filled with students from diverse background and attitude. Some students are saintly good, but some- evil than devil. Their words, like sharp knife thrusts straight to your delicate heart. Utterances such as…………

‘cikgu ni jahatla, saya tak suka cikgu…’

‘ala cikgu ni, asyik membebel je……….’

‘asyik suruh tulis je, boringla…..’

….. and many more…..

- if two years back, upon hearing words like this, I would run to the bathroom and cry like a hopeless baby but now, I didn’t feel a thing… except sometimes it does hurt, a little- just like a bee-sting. That’s it. For I know, the next day, they will forget everything that they’ve said and when they see me, they will wave happily while cry out loud ‘ teacher la yang paling la best’ or if I dress up a bit ‘ teacher la paling cun’ – betul! And I would smile and forgive them…

But, a ‘good crier’ – a title I wish to preserve…

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Pilgrimage part 2

Sunday, June 15, 2008 | wardah bajrai

Before I went to Mecca, I got lots of advices...reminded me to be careful with my words and actions while in the holy site. They said, in Mecca whatever you said or did, you will be paid--cash (meaning you will get punished immediately). These advices at times, scared me for I know I am a person with sins. I was afraid that I will be punished there. But, at the same time, I also believe that God is Forgiven and Merciful. He knows what inside our heart. with that believe, I went to Mecca with aims.. to clean my murky mind and heart. To submit myself fully to God. To think about nothing but only God. But, a human I am, and its human's nature to go against most of the good things and to broke promises. I notice that its wrong for me to set unattainable goals like above for I'm not ready yet and to be honest I don't know when I would be ready. Only Allah knows. My dad said to me, a month before that: "its wrong to think that you want to change yourself only when you're in Mecca. and to do all the good things, to submit yourself to God only when you're there. The truth is, you must be prepared before that. months before that. you have to cleanse you soul and change your hedonistic lifestyle, and try to get nearer to God before you go."

But, stubborn me, I did not take the advice seriously. I have to say, its true that I felt calmer there, I felt that I can pray with tranquil heart there, I felt more secure there but I regret that I couldn't fully submit myself to God, and to think about nothing but Allah.. It seemed that my sins hindered me. So, I hope next time, when I got the chance to go there again, I can be more prepared; physically and mentally. If God's willing...

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Kisah 3 Beruang

Wednesday, June 11, 2008 | wardah bajrai

sebenarnya bukan 3, kalau campur mak nya..4 la beruang.. mak beruang dia leader...
it all started bila kitaorang masuk plane from kl to karachi..excited...cari la tempat duduk my sister 1 24 A, sister 2- 24 C, me - 24 D, sister 3- 24-E --- the seats' numbers.. cari punya cari..sampailah..tiba 2 tempat duduk kami dipenuhi oleh 4 beruang dengan muka selamba nye. me-'excuse me, these are my place my my sisters' '. mother beruang - 'boleh tak u all cari tempat lain, anak2 makcik nak duduk skali la.. me- furious-- called the steward, showed him my ticket and insisted that i wanted to sit there, with my sisters. the steward, to the beruangs - sorry, please move to your own seats please.. the beruangs- dengan muka tak puas hati pun terpaksa la berpisah. me- smile triumphantly! hahahahahaah!

well2, that's not the end....

In Mecca, sometimes we traveled by bus. One time, my sisters and I decided to 'cop seat belakang sekali. so, dengan embernya, we all, as fast as we could naik bus and memilih tempat mengikut citarasa. Suddenly, my mom came and said 'tadi umi dengar the 3 beruangs bising tempat dia kene amik -of course lah my mom tak panggil tiga beruangs. we---'hello, ada nama ke seat2 atas bas ni. so we decided to ignore and not too long after that, mother beruang came to us, 'boleh pindah tempat tak, anak2 makcik nak duduk sini la'. we- stubborn sisters- ignored her. finally, she gave up.

cerita blom habis lagi...

On the way back to kuala lumpur,once again- deja vu.. when i reached at my seat, guess who 'dengan selamba' sat on my seat? yes.. the beruangs!!!!! ish!!! i ask them to move..politely.. but this time around father beruang said 'boleh tak nak tukar tempat, satu depan ni je satu lagi, depaaan sana tu.. cis.. I was about to call the the steward, once again before my kind-hearted dad interfered...'ada masalah ke? father beruang - 'boleh tukar tempat?' my dad- 'boleh, tak apa, wardah duduk je depan'. me- eeiiiiihhhhh!!!!! beruangs!!!!!!!!!

Throughout the journey, i cursed them...habis semua pahala2 wat umrah!

MORAL: bila naik flight..berhati2 la dengan beruang2 pencuri tempat!

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| wardah bajrai

Some people say that we only go to Mecca when we are mature enough, so that we can 'beribadah sepenuh hati'. Me- fortunate enough to got the opportunity to visit the holiest site for Muslims before I get older. Praise to the Almighty. It was a very memorable journey. Many fortunate and unfortunate events had happened- which i see it as tests from God.

I can describe my two-week journey as a journey of purification and self-reflection. To be honest, its not easy to live in a country where the average temperature was almost 44 degrees. To walk under the scorching sun requires a tough body and mind. At times, I almost gave up but to think back that this pilgrimage was not cheap and I had to cross more than 2,000km to be there, I forced myself to be strong.

Throughout the journey, I did write sometimes, just to fill the free time especially while on the plane. tapi banyak merapu je la. From the not so scrumptious food to the handsome stewards who served me (a girl will always be a girl!).

There's also a story about a family which my sisters and I labeled them as tiga beruang. why... later.. just to think about those 'tiga beruang', mendidih-didih darah.. so, I shall share the pieces sedikit demi sedikit..

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