my ramblings... just bear with it!

holiday- wat to do ek...

Monday, November 30, 2009 | wardah bajrai

Holiday suppose to be fun rite?! enjoyable, stress-release period and other adjectives that come with it. and I agree. 5 weeks of laze around, doing nuthin except some tedious house chores really....... how to say........... quite boring.... Betul, x tipu! 1 week holiday is not enough, two weeks, so-so, 3 weeks, ok, four weeks, just nice.. more than that, eventually boredom will take over... Unless I can go around, vacationing, spending my money without regrets and feasting my sinful eyes :)- u know what I mean eh...hehehe)

Instead I spend my holiday reading books. 2 books down already, "The Glass Palace" is on-going. But right now, I'm still thinking what to do within these 4 weeks...something which requires less money but tonnes of fun.... wat eh.......?

p/s: Ungrateful me- nanti bila naik sekolah, sibuk plak "bila la cuti.......?"

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My name is T.E.A.C.H.E.R

Monday, November 16, 2009 | wardah bajrai

When I first started teaching, I hate my students. Almost all of them. They're rude, ignorant, lazy, thoughtless and etc.. These were the assumptions that I always carried with me whenever I wanted to enter the class. I had to drag my feet, consoled my heart, and plastering my face with fake smile whenever I had to enter to their classes. When I was in the class, my eyes never left the watch for every second was counted impatiently. Whenever unintended incidents happened, I cursed them, silently in my heart. I tried not to smile whenever they made jokes as for me smiling was a sign of weakness. I taught them with zero expectation. As long as I entered the class, as long as I gave them works, it's fine. If people asked me why the students' performance was not good, my answer was simple: they're plain stupid. Nothing could be done. In short, I was the worst version of a teacher.

As time passed by, I began to realize that every student is precious. They're innocent creature that need guidance and help in coping with this horrendous world. They're naive. They're not stupid, just less clever and with appropriate help, they could amaze us. Now, I really love my students. They make me happy. I never feel forced to enter classes. Though I become a frequent visitor to the nearest clinic due to voice problem, I'm genuinely happy. It's more tiring now to teach for I teach whole-heartedly, but I feel satisfied. Now, I only have few more days to spend with them. Sadness is what I experience now. If possible, I want to be always with them, to watch every step that they make, so that I could always help them whenever they slip, but I know that they have to move on. I also have to move on. It's life. Moving on is what makes us stronger. I hated my students then, but I love them now.

Dedicated to all my form 2 students who're going to form 3 next year.

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Monday, November 02, 2009 | wardah bajrai

Bosan jaga pekse... so main internet n curi2 amik gambar budk... jgn ngadu kat kpm ek... :D

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breathtaking v/s suffocating

Wednesday, October 14, 2009 | wardah bajrai

Invigilating is very tiring. You have to wait for hours, doing nothing except observing the students. You aren't allowed to read, handphon-ing, talking etc.. but stubborn me facebook-ing instead :)
Last time I got a good school. Very easy to handle. The students were very commited to their exam. Unlike this time. 70% of the candidates were boys. Lazy boys. They wasted their time by sleeping. The whole time. They shaded the OMR paper without looking at the questions paper! One unfortunate event, a boy, a quite fat one, slept the whole hour and a HUGE drop of saliva filled his paper! and the unlucky me had to collect his paper! but still, I used up most of my invigilating time looking at the school's beautiful landscape. breathtaking. totally diff from the students. suffocating.

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My Song!!! - very relevant to me...hahaha

Thursday, October 01, 2009 | wardah bajrai

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Sunday, September 27, 2009 | wardah bajrai

I posted this entry on my friendster blog. But i think the content is still relevant.

Being the ‘oldies’, hari raya is less meaningful than the time when I was small where Hari raya was always being “the-most-awaited-event”. New baju raya, new kasut raya, duit raya, meeting cousins, uncles and aunties and most importantly my beloved grannies were around. Hari raya eve, all of us will gather at my granny’s house, glued in front of tv waiting for the announcement and when it’s confirmed we will run like crazy to tell the elders. And then, we will play fire crackers and ‘meriam’. Yes, you read it right, we did play meriam as my uncle owned one. But just a small meriam. We will play until the clock hit 12. we were tired, yes we were, but we were very happy. The next day, my sisters and I will wake up early morning, wore our best baju kurung, completed with new shoe, posing in front of the mirror (although we had done it dozens times before the hari raya), kissed our parents hands, ate ketupat and get ready to go to my grannies’ houses ( I had two grannies). And as expected, we will go and search every aunty and uncle and with much eager, kissed their hand with hidden agenda (yes …duit raya!). And if I continue talking bout my then hari raya, one page wouldn’t be enough but what I can conclude is, back then, hari raya was the most happiest moment in my life. But now things changed. My beloved grannies had passed away years ago. So no more exciting hari raya and me playing fire crackers?! God forbid! The meriam was gone too. Duit raya is much lesser now- actually none. As we are getting older, responsibilities increase and unlike when we were small, being older makes us more ‘less fun” as there are too much other things to think about.

But still, raya is raya, celebrated with “Syukur”, after one month of fasting. I’m sure that I will miss the holy month of ramadhan as it managed to train me to become more responsible towards my religion. It is during the ramadhan that we will try our best to avoid not only the ‘harams’ but also the ‘makruhs’. We tried our best to become as pious as we could, but one question to be asked? How long this piousness will last?!-at the end of ramadhan?!. Tepuk dada tanyalah iman. As for me, one “doa”, I hope I could meet ramadhan next year and be better than this year- InsyaAllah. To all muslimin , "happy fasting and yes"Eid Mubarak"or "Selamat Hari Raya".

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--thank u-ramadhan-lucks-amin-----

Sunday, September 06, 2009 | wardah bajrai

It's been a while since the last time I logged in. Preoccupied with other matters hindered me from having a leisure of writing. Nothing much happened recently. WOrds of wisdom from my friend reminded me that I should be grateful instead of whining about things that i don't have. Thank you.Sincerely. Since now I begin to see things in a more positive way, I hope this Ramadhan can bring me more lucks. and provides me with opportunity to cleanse my ever-sinful self. Amin.

--- this entry is just a self-reflection and a thank you note-

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my student - the future-reader

Saturday, August 15, 2009 | wardah bajrai

Today is Saturday and I have to got to school. As usual. ‘ganti’ for Deepavali. Percentage of attendance (students)- 50%.

Yesterday, my colleague caught a student wrote a letter. Not just a normal letter. A letter to her form teacher. Explaining the reason why she ‘was’ absent on Saturday (Today). Here is the snippet of the letter.

Guru Kelas Tingkatan 1xx

Saya anak tidak datang hari Sabtu kerana sakit perut.

Interesting. She can predict her future (sakit perut pada hari sabtu). And she becomes the mother as well.

Me- maybe I should ask her to read my palm and predict my future :-D hehehe

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entry depress :(

Sunday, August 09, 2009 | wardah bajrai

me- just got back from KL. enuf of cuci mata and cuci telinga. haila!, seeing other people cruising their life happily, envy hits me.. i shoudn't be like this, i should be happy rite?! why?! and why?!

p/s: entry depress...

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..hitting the resume button after stuck with the pause...

Wednesday, July 29, 2009 | wardah bajrai

----lenka: the show-----

Been super busy lately. Always thought of scribbling somethin but at the end, too sluggish to do so. But, have regained the momentum. Halo back! to all dearests, I have "dis-attached" now. sad? not really... free? truly am! So now, my options are wider..hehehe.. so, to all my dearests 'singlees"-term for my single friends-I'm still on the run for the ultimate prize!

p/s: afzn, next time i'll see you, the first thing that I'll do is signing the agreement coz i have a feeling that it'll be mine (*_*)... and seriously, I feel more happy now....

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Wednesday, June 17, 2009 | wardah bajrai

My friends are great. All of them. They never failed to make me happy. Whenever I’m with them. Laughter always a must whenever we’re together. Before, I never took any meeting or occasion involving my friends seriously. But they kept on reminding me on how important our friendship is. So, thanks to them, I’m now an appreciative friend.

Moments with them always filled with updates, latest juicy gossips as well as ‘advices’ and also bout ‘love nest’ (seriously I still find it sounds kinky!).... especially from the soon-to-be experts (anis and juo..hahahaha). Though they liked teasing me (especially about ‘pokok besar’, ‘u-turn’ and roundabout’). While I was bit pissed-off but honestly, I didn’t mind at all. I took it as a compliment since whenever they see roundabout, I have an instinct that they’ll remember me (*_*)

I will always miss the moments I shared with them. Each one of us will eventually start a new life, taking steps into more challenging sphere, being bugged with other responsibilities, meeting with new people, making new relationships, building new memories but one thing I’m positively sure, forgetting what we had is an impossible. Totally. At least for me.

Juo, selamat – future- pengantin baru. Forgive me for my inability to come though my heart is yearning to meet you again. And the rest. See apartments, remember me k….

Anis, selamat jugak. Insyaallah, yours I’ll come. Insyaallah. And please anis, I think you have to find another new idea to tease me (instead of ‘roundabout’…)

Afzan, the boss. My ever charming boss. Nak naik kereta lagi…..

And for the rest, I’ll pray to Allah that we’d be able to meet. Again. And again.

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- little update -

Wednesday, May 27, 2009 | wardah bajrai

2 weeks ago, anis ym-ed;
"w, awk lupa password awk ke?"
me, thinking for a while, and *ting*, hah, anis is being sarcastic!
me:" anis, a very good one!"

The truth is I have so much to talk about but bila on je computer, all the thoughts and the will to write, simply disappeared . Plus, for the past two week I was so busy attending courses.- standardla, once you become you need to go to various courses; some even don't relate to your field at all. However, I did enjoy one of the courses that I attended. "the Effective teaching and Learning Course" which was held for two days really opened my eyes on ways to teach English effectively, especially literature. To be honest, I always like this type of course since it always provided us-English teachers- with relevant methods, approaches and even materials in teaching English. They didn't ask us to use grammar-translation approach, or communicative approach or other idealistic approaches which most of the time almost immpossible for me to use it in my classes. These courses were conducted by experienced teachers, who have taught for years, who have encountered with various situations and have handled students from different backgrounds.Ttherefore, they understand what I and other teachers encountered (er) in our daily teaching.

Here, is the link to a blog which is managed by one of the facilitators. She is a "Guru Cemerlang" and believe me,s all her method, approaches and materials are seriously good and relevant!


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:: when we were younger and naive' ::

Saturday, April 25, 2009 | wardah bajrai

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They hate ENglish

| wardah bajrai

When I went to induksi last year, one of the facilitators said, "I hate English so much because of my teacher. He did somethin that I won't forget and forgive". - I got nothin to say at that time.

Last week, a senior English teacher in my school scolded a class of students. She made almost all of them cried. I didn't know what she said to them for I couldn't hear. Later, she told another teacher that these students had made a "huge unforgiven mistake", and as the denda, they are required to write "I won't cheat in English class anymore"; 10, 000x. yes, you read it right,
10, 000 x!!. And they're given 2-3 months to finish this denda. But, wait! the denda belom habis lagi. After the 'incident', everytime she gives the students work, they need to copy each question and answer 15 x. Even if it's an essay. That's not all. They are even instructed to attend detention class (which mean they have to stayback after school until 4.30 to 5.00 pm) for I don't know how long.

The mistake? During a class presentation, they're required to have a q&a session whereby they need to ask questions to the presenting groups and then the presenting groups were supposed to provide answers. For most of these students are low to intermediate students, what they did was, they prepared everything before the presentation. Meaning, the presenting groups had chosen few people to ask ready-made questions in which case they also had prepared the answers. and the teacher noticed this! come on, like we never did this during our 'U" days?! we did it almost all the time! But we never got that kind of harsh punishment! But these students, just because the couldn't 'act' naturally, they're punished -i like to say- severely!

One more thing. These students are form 3 students. Meaning, at the end of the year, they will sit for their PMR exam. And instead of focusing on all the subjects EQUALLY, they're "forced" to "focus" more of English.

Now, I know why a person can hate English just because of a teacher. And you won't believe the type of language she used when she scolded them. Unimaginable.. ( I didn't hear at that time, but I heard before when she scolded other students... several times)

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Sunday, March 29, 2009 | wardah bajrai

Basically, he annoys me. A lot. In fact he always mocks me and said I'm 'not clever', childish and many more. Many times I told myself that I had enough. But he always managed to find his way back to me. He is arrogance and very honest. Extremely honest! and most of the time his honesty scarred me but to my surprise it's his honesty that attracts me the most. Last night, he called me 'unique' - in not a good way, immature and etc. I said "we're so off!". He sms-ed me " you are, (unique, immature, etc) but you are also a sweet bear.. (am i suppose to be angry or flattered?!) and why on earth did I smile when I read this message..???!!

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imbroglio, jam, mix-up, muddle,

Thursday, March 12, 2009 | wardah bajrai

I am in a muss right now. It's not right for me to whine bout what happened in school when actually I feel happy when I'm with my students. There's other thing that invaded my mind now that makes me sick. In order to forget it, I blasted my job! I'm such a mess!

A person gave me this...

"If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were. "

and I feel even sicker..

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:: from johor with love::

Sunday, February 15, 2009 | wardah bajrai

Add Video

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:: ripping off::

Wednesday, February 04, 2009 | wardah bajrai

The other day, I ripped off my student's book. Maybe not the whole book, just a page but it managed to make the whole class turned into silent mode (kalau pemadam jatuh pun bleh dengar). I wasn't (am not) proud with my action right until this second for I couldn't forget that student's appalled and doleful face. Maybe I wasn't thinkin right at that moment but believe me when you've become a teacher for more than 2 years, this 'unfavourable' moment will sure be added into your memories collection.

I told my fellow teacher friend bout this 'accident', trying to seek for her approval of my action. To my delight, she consoled me by saying, that's a normal thing to do for a teacher, especially when you're a more-than-one-year teacher. With students' attitude, pressures from the management and the authority, the never-end workloads; being a b***h teacher is normal. It's NORMAL!

Other things that I've noticed after 2 years of labouring;- my voice becomes louder, my actions become bolder and my body becomes wider (though this one not related but it rhymes with the rest ;-) )

I do not plan to change the adjectives above from comparative to superlative but one thing I do sure, time will sometimes change you; whether you like it or not.

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you can kill them but not their faith

Friday, January 09, 2009 | wardah bajrai

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30th Dec 2008

Thursday, January 01, 2009 | wardah bajrai

Last two days, I woke up (as usual 10.00 a.m; since it's a school holiday), went downstairs, poured me a cup of coffee and happily read the newspaper. After 15 minutes, suddenly, I felt uneasy. Before this I was pretty sure that my first staff meeting will be held on 31st Dec. In fact I told everyone about this. But that morning, I felt like something was wrong. That day was 30th Dec. I ran to my room, I checked my hp- got two misscalls from my senior teacher. and a message from my friend- "wardah, ko pegi mane?". Oh my God! it's not tomorrow, but Today! and the meeting started at 8.00 am and now is 10.30 a.m! oh.My.God! OH.MY.GOD!

At that moment, I was frozen. Not know what to do. Today's meeting was very important! It's THE meeting. I planned to go to the clinic to ask for M.C. I had no choice. I SMS my friend, asking her whether the meeting'd finished or not. and she said no. I pleaded her to inform my boss that I had to go to the clinic. Asthma attack! of course I got asthma. I drove to the nearest clinic and upon arriving, I decided not to 'tipu' anymore. "just face the music". trying to convince my super worried mind. so, straight away I drove to school while reciting all the doas and prayers that I know. Finally, 10.55 am. I'd arrived and quickly walked (actually half running) to the meeting room. knocked the door, checked the, took a deep breath, I peeped in . all eyes on me. went straight away to MRS.BOSS. "sori puan, saya kene lelah tadi, pegi klinik sekejap" and she said "duduk dulu". still, all eyes on me. Me- tried to look sick. coughing. a lot. tried to breathe with difficulties.(i was such a good actress..i was proud of myself) and the meeting went on as if nothing had happened. at the end of the meeting. my senior teacher said to me: ha..i warda, lupa ke ....?- 'perli tone". Me-- coughed again....and smile meekly....

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