my ramblings... just bear with it!


Monday, May 26, 2008 | wardah bajrai

InsyaAllah, my family and I will go to Mecca tomorrow to perform umrah.. mohon maaf di atas segala keterlanjuran and mohon didoakan selamat pergi dan kembali... amin

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a d***n camp..

Thursday, May 22, 2008 | wardah bajrai


kenapa pihak pentadbir sukeee membuat decision di saat-saat akhir without consulting orang-orang dibawahnya. dan dengan sewenang-wenangya memberi tugas tanpa mengambil peduli agenda orang lain. me. planned to go to KL this weekend. but. my dearest senior teachers happily organizing a camp for the students- which is good since it is called as 'kem integrasi: (this integrasi issue is being debated everywhere). but. ayat power mereka " diharap cikgu-cikgu muda +bujang dapat memberi kerjasama sepenuhnya..termasuk tidor di khemah" (and menjadi pengawal tak bertauliah!) blimey! I have a plan already! -screamed. inside only lah..

So, perhaps i have to cancel my plan to go to KL this weekend. plan to escape the camp but since me- 'orang penting'- a 'no' is totally out of question. so friends, blame me not for I cannot attend the much awaited function. I don't know when can I see my friends again.. hopefully soon..

p/s: but actually, I have few plans on how to excuse myself..hope it will work!!(hehehe)

to A.U.. congrats! to Nees, i know yours is just around the corner..congrats too..


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Tuesday, May 13, 2008 | wardah bajrai

I've just finished my BTN course (Biro Tatanegara). What an experience! Besides being brain-washed days and nights - they did try to cleanse your mind by instilling their ideologies almost every second!, I personally did enjoy the experience that I gained. Never in my mind thinking that one day I had to cross a muddy river and to do other rough activities continuously. My body was aching-until now but I didn't feel any regret. Its totally a valuable experience that I think I could never gain anywhere else.

I have to admit, 4 days there, it does change some of the ways of how I see things. If before this, I always being over-negative about certain things, now, I think I can see things from different angles. From now on, I will try not to be too judgemental and at the same time preserve my critical thinking. The one thing that I most regret while attending the course was my inability to express my thoughts and ideas freely. Being a person who loves to read and has some knowledge bout certain issues (hmmm), I felt frustrated for I cannot share whatever I have in mind due to the nature of the course. My inner self wanted to object some issues discussed and raised but my gut restrained me for I was afraid of being failed by them. What a coward! I hope they could be more flexible and open rather than being too 'berat sebelah' and skeptical.

Another thing, personaly, I pity the minorities. Most of the facilitors they liked to talk about Malay supremacy or Malay sovereignty in which sometimes they went overboard. I could see that most of these minorities they wanted to object but cowardice ruled their mind and my mind too. Everyone wants to pass this course and if it means you have to wear a mask, or pretend, then you should do it.

However, all in all I do enjoy it but if they ask me whether I want to go again, I'd rather pass. and for those who haven't gone, do prepare ; mentally and physically...

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Monday, May 05, 2008 | wardah bajrai

Seriously, I notice lately people alway interpret wrongly on whatever I write in which sometimes it scares me a lot- to write anything. If they realize that some writings are merely self-expression at that particular time - no more, no less . And I do appreciate when there are people who notice it but unfortunately, there are people who perceive it differently from my original motive...

Perhaps next time, I should be more careful on whatver I write so that people won't interpret it wrongly..seriously, i'm tired of explaining...

This message is dedicated to ais---

When we write, we need to follow our heart- this is what I believe la.., and sometimes we do follow our mind, but we rarely choose the later one. Or perhaps maybe its only me.. its up to us to decide. However, by using our mind, I sense that we were to be more polite, more immaculate and even become more restrictive in which i don't like personally. But I believe if we write anything from our heart, we will get a sincere piece..but..there is a con tagging along..our piece can be too personal or 'case sensitive' or people might understand it wrongly - my main which I get a lot lately.. I'm not trying to be insensitive but regrettably, its hard to change something which defines you.. I understand by choosing to stay like this, I might hurt people or perhaps get wrong interpretation and I have to do a lot of explanation which is rather tiring- but I still will do it, but the good thing is, I can stay original.

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