Pilgrimage part 2

Before I went to Mecca, I got lots of advices...reminded me to be careful with my words and actions while in the holy site. They said, in Mecca whatever you said or did, you will be paid--cash (meaning you will get punished immediately). These advices at times, scared me for I know I am a person with sins. I was afraid that I will be punished there. But, at the same time, I also believe that God is Forgiven and Merciful. He knows what inside our heart. with that believe, I went to Mecca with aims.. to clean my murky mind and heart. To submit myself fully to God. To think about nothing but only God. But, a human I am, and its human's nature to go against most of the good things and to broke promises. I notice that its wrong for me to set unattainable goals like above for I'm not ready yet and to be honest I don't know when I would be ready. Only Allah knows. My dad said to me, a month before that: "its wrong to think that you want to change yourself only when you're in Mecca. and to do all the good things, to submit yourself to God only when you're there. The truth is, you must be prepared before that. months before that. you have to cleanse you soul and change your hedonistic lifestyle, and try to get nearer to God before you go."

But, stubborn me, I did not take the advice seriously. I have to say, its true that I felt calmer there, I felt that I can pray with tranquil heart there, I felt more secure there but I regret that I couldn't fully submit myself to God, and to think about nothing but Allah.. It seemed that my sins hindered me. So, I hope next time, when I got the chance to go there again, I can be more prepared; physically and mentally. If God's willing...