Reflection

I tried to find the right time to write about my first week as a brand new teacher: the feelings, the thoughts, the expectations, the hopes and the dismays. There are lots of things that I would like to share but I don’t really have the excitement and the drive to write. Honestly, I hate to admit that I don’t feel any euphoric sensation towards this job, besides the salary offered. First day was rather boring and I still hadn’t been assigned to teach any particular class. For the rest of the week, all I did was relief classes and read novel (yes, finally, I managed to finish reading Jane Eyre –my latest favourite novel!). Oh yes, few teachers asked me to help them – from coaching the student for public speaking, be the MC for the inter-school drama competition and one job that I think I shouldn’t be assigned to do – preparing power point slides for her! And as a novice, it’s normal for me to nod my head for every request! Only tomorrow (today was holiday- sultan’s birthday) I will be given classes to teach and I will be transferred to evening session. That’s the treatment that you will get if you are new teacher. I keep saying o myself that I ought to be grateful as I had been waiting for this job for almost a year but why I don’t feel happy at all? Why I feel as if I don’t belong here? Part of me says that I’m not suitable for this job. I keep asking myself whether I’m making mistakes by taking up this job. The teachers are nice but why I feel lonely and damned bored?! And to answer all these questions, I managed to come out with one answer – adaptation. I’m new and it takes time for me to adapt with the new environment. I have to be patience as I believe, in the end I will be able to enjoy this job. After all, I’m doing a noble job here – teaching and helping the needs! To Allah, I ask for help and I pray to Allah, if this path is meant for me, grant me with Your bless as I need it. Need it so much!

p/s: End of this month, I have to attend a “how-to-mark seminar” huh!