I feel damned terrible
I felt terribly bad today. I did something in which I regret it until now.Seriously, I didn't know it before.
There's one girl inside my class. She's small and quiet. She has this pitiful face and a very innocent smile. Her uniform is clouded with yellowish colour. From her appearance, I know that she's not from a wealthy family. But sometimes, she really pissed me off. I've been teaching her class for almost 4 months now and every time I entered her class, she's the regular face who always forgot to bring either her textbook or her exercise books. Numerous time I let her go. But today, I was really mad. She did bring her textbook but bring none of her exercise books. I put on my serious face and with thunderous voice, I went to her and asked about her book. She was colouring a picture at that moment.
"where's your book?"
"tak bawa"
"asyik tak bawa, awak tak pernah bawak kan?"- I have to speak Malay as she hardly understand anything i said before.
she looked down and gave me an innocent smile. But I couldn't let her go this time, or else I will be biased to other students.
"saya tak tahu nak cakap apa lagi. Awak tak pernah bawak buku. buku apa yang awak bawa?"
"sikik-sikit" she answered.
"keluarkan semua, I want to see".
Slowly she opened her bag and took out few books. My temperature was rising when I saw few books of other subjects
"Buku maths ada, science ada, KH ada, tapi buku BI tak de"
She looked at me and said..
"tadi dah masuk, pastu keluarkan balik"
I bombarded her back
"sapa suruh bawak keluar balik..seriously, saya dah malas nak cakap ngan awak lagi"
I left her abruptly. She ruined my mood.
*************************************************
During free time, I consulted a fellow teacher about this girl-whether she's facing the same problem like me.
"sys...budak tu memang ada masalh. Dia tinggal dengan mak tiri and ayah dia, selalu kene dera"
I was stunned.
And she continued. "Dia memang tak beli buku. Ayah dia tak nak bagi duit, buku2 dia pun cikgu subjek yg tolong belikan.. Dia dalam proses kaunseling sekarang"
Seriously, I felt very bad (still do) when I heard that. Me, a teacher, a person who supposed to help my student, instead I humiliated her in front of her friends and torture her emotionally. I feel really really bad!
There's one girl inside my class. She's small and quiet. She has this pitiful face and a very innocent smile. Her uniform is clouded with yellowish colour. From her appearance, I know that she's not from a wealthy family. But sometimes, she really pissed me off. I've been teaching her class for almost 4 months now and every time I entered her class, she's the regular face who always forgot to bring either her textbook or her exercise books. Numerous time I let her go. But today, I was really mad. She did bring her textbook but bring none of her exercise books. I put on my serious face and with thunderous voice, I went to her and asked about her book. She was colouring a picture at that moment.
"where's your book?"
"tak bawa"
"asyik tak bawa, awak tak pernah bawak kan?"- I have to speak Malay as she hardly understand anything i said before.
she looked down and gave me an innocent smile. But I couldn't let her go this time, or else I will be biased to other students.
"saya tak tahu nak cakap apa lagi. Awak tak pernah bawak buku. buku apa yang awak bawa?"
"sikik-sikit" she answered.
"keluarkan semua, I want to see".
Slowly she opened her bag and took out few books. My temperature was rising when I saw few books of other subjects
"Buku maths ada, science ada, KH ada, tapi buku BI tak de"
She looked at me and said..
"tadi dah masuk, pastu keluarkan balik"
I bombarded her back
"sapa suruh bawak keluar balik..seriously, saya dah malas nak cakap ngan awak lagi"
I left her abruptly. She ruined my mood.
*************************************************
During free time, I consulted a fellow teacher about this girl-whether she's facing the same problem like me.
"sys...budak tu memang ada masalh. Dia tinggal dengan mak tiri and ayah dia, selalu kene dera"
I was stunned.
And she continued. "Dia memang tak beli buku. Ayah dia tak nak bagi duit, buku2 dia pun cikgu subjek yg tolong belikan.. Dia dalam proses kaunseling sekarang"
Seriously, I felt very bad (still do) when I heard that. Me, a teacher, a person who supposed to help my student, instead I humiliated her in front of her friends and torture her emotionally. I feel really really bad!
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